The Year of Funerals, Part 1

I’ve really been feeling like I needed to make some changes in my life for years now. Overall, I’m super happy with my life and feel so blessed but I just felt like I was getting nowhere fast. Kind of like my wheels were spinning.

Like I was working really hard all day, every day with nothing to show at the end of the day. I was working too much, not spending enough time with my family, not spending enough time on myself, and not feeling spiritual enough.

Basically, the problem most women have – no matter how much I do, it is never enough.

The feeling of always thinking things will get better in the future and failing to enjoy the present. Feeling like if I could only work a little harder or smarter then somehow I would stop feeling this way.

I’m sure a lot of you can relate, to some degree or another.

Then last year happened. It started with Aunt Shirley dying. The week leading up to her death was especially hard for me. I was quite emotional. It really made me evaluate when it came time for me to die, who would care? Who would be there visiting me in the hospital, helping me at home – and was I making enough difference in the world?

We all only get one chance at this life and I really don’t want to waste my chance. I want to spend it doing good things of eternal importance that will either leave an impact when I die or that I can leave behind.

This was further emphasized when I helped cleaned Aunt Shirley’s house. She had so much stuff. So much. And she could take none of it with her when she died. And most of it no one really wanted. This further emphasized that I want to do things that matter in my life and not just spend all my time buying stuff, cleaning it, storing it, paying for it, moving it, etc.

All during the difficulties with Shirley, Norm’s Dad wasn’t doing well. We had a trip planned to go to Seattle for a week and then Oregon for about two weeks then go to the Baron reunion for 3 days in Oregon on the way home. Since Norm’s Dad wasn’t doing well they ended up postponing the Baron reunion two years.

Our Washington/Oregon was planned for about two weeks after Shirley’s funeral and we considered going earlier but it was a ton of planning to figure it all out and it would be pretty much impossible to cancel everything and re-book everything. Plus, we had events in between, like girl’s camp and a 4th of July party. So we prayed about it and felt like things would work out for us to go on our trip as planned.

We were extra anxious to see Norm’s parents because when we went to visit the year before we happened to all have the stomach flu really bad except for Norm so Norm visited with his parents in their home for an hour or so and we stopped by on our way home and said hi from the car and Norm’s Dad came out and talked to us from a distance but Norm was the only one who got to see his Mom so we were all really anxious to see each other because it had basically been two years since most of us had seem them and Norm’s siblings told all the family we should visit soon because Dad could go at any time.

When we arrived in Seattle Norm’s Dad was standing outside ready to greet us. He was having a good day and we hadn’t seen him in a long time. We had a good visit with him that evening and he did ok for a few days. You could definitely tell he had good days and bad days but we had some good conversations with him and got to see him doing things he enjoyed, like riding his motorized scooter around the yard and talking about the yard and his grandchildren.

The biggest problem he had that kept getting him in and out of the hospital was that he would randomly kind of pass out. It was more severe than just passing out. It would often require the paramedics to get him back, but in time they did find out that after about 20 minutes he would come around and to just lay him flat on the ground during the 20 minutes.

But each time he would do this it seemed to really take a toll on him. It would wipe him out and he really wasn’t himself. It would often happen in the bathroom when he was under a lot of stress.

One night it was Norm’s turn to stay up with his Dad (he needed 24/7 care and we were partly there to give his sister a break) and around 11 pm his Dad went to the bathroom. He insisted on going by himself but when he stood up after going to the bathroom, he passed out and hit the sink and probably some other things on the way down.

He kind of came out of it but this time it was different. He went to the hospital that night and they found some broken ribs, a UTI and a few other things, but the main problem is that he was not really with us anymore. He couldn’t talk, barely ate and just kind of stared into space. Since he had a DNR, the hospital didn’t really do much so Norm’s sisters decided to bring him home to die in peace surrounded by family and friends.

It was quite interesting timing for us because we had a whole vacation planned for the Seattle area and we knew we may never get back – or at least not for a long time. But we also wanted to help and spend time with Norm’s parents. We ended up doing a fair amount of vacation-type things but took a day or two off to visit him in the hospital and give Norm’s sister a break.

By the time he got home from the hospital, we were supposed to leave the next day. We prayed about it and felt good to leave even though it felt like he could die any day. We felt like things would work out and to just go on our vacation as long as we could.

He ended up taking about three weeks to die after that. He basically starved to death while his body slowly shut down. It was a blessing for him that he was basically a vegetable but hard for his family to watch.

We were able to complete our two-week vacation then go to the Piccolo reunion the week right after we got back. Then we went to his funeral the next week and started school two days later.

At his funeral, I was very strongly reminded of how important the relationships we establish are, who we become, what differences we make in the lives of other people – not all the things too many people place an emphasis on – stuff, fame, how we look, etc. Norm’s Dad had very little possessions in this life but he left a huge legacy of posterity, served in the church, did tons of service, went on several missions, etc. He certainly tried to prioritize the important things in life and, in the end, I think died knowing he just wore out his body but that he would continue serving in the next life.

Isn’t it crazy how it all worked out? We felt so blessed that we could see him right before he took a turn for the worse and have that good memory of him, still be able to go on our vacation, go to the Piccolo reunion and his funeral. It sure was stressful having non-stop large events like that but such a blessing to be able to do them all.

Norm’s Dad’s funeral was within days of Aunt Janice’s surgery so we went from one stressful life event to another.